If you invite a guest to dinner and it turns out to be an unpleasant experience for you, what do you do with them? Perhaps they are negative, draining or rude. You might allow them to remain at your table. Understandably, you might feel it rude or wrong to dismiss them. But, do you let them linger or stay long after dinner? If you are a good co-dependent, you might even feel sorry for them and invite them back, hoping that if they see that you are kind to them, they might transform into a better dinner guest, or maybe even a better person altogether. Does this sound like the way you behave with relationships in your life?

This little story is just an illustration of the way we all handle relationships, be it with family, co-workers, friends or intimate partners. Folks with excellent boundaries do not make time for those who are unpleasant to them. Folks with no boundaries allow people who are unpleasant to remain at their dinner table or in their life, and invite them back for more. Often they do it, feeling that they are helping that person in some way.

We invite  people, sensations, thoughts and experiences into our life every day. You need to consider that these are simply "samples." If you were standing at a buffet and you took a sample of all the offerings, would you feel obligated to eat a full portion of everything, including the things you didn’t like? Of course not. You don’t even need to finish the sample. The sample gives you the ability to try a portion without too much of an investment. If you don’t like it, you dismiss it and move onto something you like better. Samples are meant only to provide initial information that you need to make a decision whether to include something in your life, or not. If you continue to encourage all your samples to remain in your life, what you are saying to the Universe, regardless of your affirmations and goals to the contrary, is that you want more of those same types of people and experiences. And if you’re not happy with those samples, then you’re setting yourself up for a bunch of unhappy experiences! Do you have any long-term relationships in your life, where a casual meet or invitation that should have been dismissed, was not? I did!

I spent time with people who were rude, demeaning and critical. Unfortunately, this mostly occurred at family functions. I stopped doing so many years ago, as I began to treasure my time far too much. My self-respect had grown to a level where I could not tolerate their behavior. And, I really did not like being with people who were so negative, critical and mean-spirited. I gave myself the right to make a choice, even when it came to "family."

Popular thought today is that if you change what’s inside, people will change towards you. For various reasons, this may not be true. It could be that it is time for yout to separate from that individual, or from people like that, and that action, or separation, is the next important step in your progression. Often, the kindest and most empathetic people fall prey to the belief that they need to work on themselves in order to change the behavior of others.The "new age" concept of changing within is simply an extension of that. By the way, that is the hallmark of the abused victim, and abused women in particular–the belief that they need to change to effect change in another.

Even in more casual scenarios, you need to pick and choose with care. Do you go out on date, or with a group of friends, and find you don’t like the company, or the activity they have chosen, and yet you stay until everyone else goes home? If so, you are sacrificing your happiness and well-being for what you perceive is the comfort and satisfaction of others. How many people force themselves to finish a movie that they don’t even enjoy watching, whether in the company of others, or alone? I know a few!

Time is one of the most important gifts you have here. How you choose to spend your time speaks louder than the words you may utter in your affirmations, prayers or requests from the Universe. Spend it wisely!

You may feel that you need to continue on with the experiences, people, sensations, employment and other things that are currently in your life, or you  may feel that you need to complete an experience. If you are still clinging to the movies, or the dinner guests, or family or friends that you do not truly enjoy, then you need to understand that you are not affirming for a new reality. Actions do speak louder than words to the Universe! You need to begin to allow yourself the choice to break off from those experiences. You need to give yourself choice.

Decide what you want to include in your future, and assess what you are allowing to remain in your life right now. Do those things fit in with that future vision? You may have a job you are dissatisfied with and don’t see it in your goal vision, but it may need to remain until you have found another way to support yourself. However, most people keep negative forces in their life for no practical reason at all.

Right here and now, allow yourself the freedom to include what feels good in your life, and begin to exclude what does not feel good. Give yourself the the power of choice. You can begin shaping your future today!

Worry is a pervasive and and needless habit that many of us struggle with. It blocks us from staying positive and therefore keeping a pure vision of what we want. Worry and the accompanying emotion of fear it brings with it interrupts our dreams, keeping us focused on what we do not want, rather than what we do want. Holding onto fear and worry and thinking we can reach the finish line, or our goal vision, is self-defeating. It’s like running a race, and stopping every few feet, running backwards, spinning around, and at last moving forward a few feet again, only to do the same thing all over again. The finish line stays far out of reach. Fear keeps us stuck. What are we to do with it?

Like everything else in our lives, we must take responsibility for it. There was a time in my life when I realized, in reviewing my life, that I was addicted to worry, and I was addicted to problems. I handled them like a champ, but I always got more to deal with! At one time I thought it was a testament to my strength and I felt a certain pride that I had survived what I did, but I began to feel there really was nothing positive to be said for my strength in enduring this onslaught. As I was starting to envision a future that included peace, freedom and happiness, entertaining worrisome thoughts all the time seemed counterproductive. In truth, I had grown weary of the constant legal issues, life issues, and health issues. So, I finally realized I had to take responsibility for all of that, and in taking responsibility, not only did I realize I brought forth those issues, but that I was addicted to the feelings and thoughts that I entertained because of them.

Addicted sounds like a harsh word, but I think it is accurate. When some problem came up, it’s what I thought of nearly 24/7. If I had waking moments without other critical things to take my mind off it, I was mulling the issue over and over, anticipating different outcomes, pondering solutions, and analyzing every bit of it. I was getting quite good at anticipating possible outcomes, and as a result had handled legal situations quite well in the past. But when you are looking to change your reality into a positive and peaceful one, you don’t need detective or legal skills just to handle life!

At first, I continued to resist the idea that worry was really needless, and still tried to find a good rationale for it. I had spent a good deal of my life doing this. Since I had invested so much time in this activity, I suppose I wanted to believe it was a productive thing to do. So I thought about people I knew who didn’t seem to spend time worrying, curious how it impacted their lives. I realized that they seemed blessed with better fortune or experienced far less disruptions. Now, you might reason that is why they don’t worry, but of course, it’s the other way around!

As I was resistant, I didn’t want to not think about the problem–like any other addict, I wanted to continue with my habit! I thought I could continue to ponder whatever dilemma was going on at the time, and simply choose to not feel fear as a result of the thoughts, as I felt it was the fear that was destructive in creating my newly-formed goals. Then, I realized that thinking the problem situation over and over itself was the problem, as it kept me from being focused on positive things as well as my goal reality. I could try real hard not to feel fear when thinking about the circumstances, but that was challenging anyway. Imagine huge debt, loss of income, lengthy divorce proceedings regarding divorce and child custody, health crises, and bankruptcy court. I had all of these and more.

Few, if any, of us were raised in an environment where we were encouraged to spend time focusing on our goal visions and dreams, particularly in the midst of some crisis, so we can’t blame ourselves for doing absolutely what we were taught to do! Now, I am not suggesting you ignore problems that need to be dealt with, but you don’t need to obsess over them. You arrive at a solution and steps to reach the solution, and be done with it. You take one day at a time, stay positive, and keep your vision in mind!

Focusing on worry and present circumstances can also help to create another problem situation on its heels. I realized I had to be willing to let go of the analysis, the thinking, and the addiction to these problems. Although life had already turned around and many of the issues I mentioned above were in the past, suddenly new ones came up. It was then that I realized I was creating them over and over again. It was clear I was addicted to them. I was also addicted to thinking about them. This seemed to be one of the final pieces that I needed to lay in place to progress in my life.

The realization of all of this was a large part of the solution. Remember, awareness is the key to growth. When we see truth about ourselves, we accept it openly. We acknowledge, take responsibility, and then forgive ourselves for the past. And we release it. Just let it go. Choose to release worrisome thoughts, and choose to think about your positive vision. Just say no to negativity! Say no to fear and worry. When the thoughts come up, affirm the following to yourself: "I willingly release these worrisome thoughts. I do not need to think about this situation. I choose to think happy thoughts." A good deal of mental discipline and re-training will be necessary, as you have been accustomed to this obsessive thinking. It is just like the alcoholic reaching for the drink. In your mind, you need only reach for that thought that is hovering close by! Distracting the mind will help. If you can’t keep your mind busy on something else, try singing, or humming. Play Don’t Worry Be Happy, and sing along, or some other song that distracts your mind and keeps you positive. Remember Hakuna Matata from the Lion King? You can sign up for free to listen to these and other songs. This is an exercise in mental re-training, and it’s no small feat, but it can be done. After some time spent on this exercise, and you won’t have to work at it so hard. Do this until negative or worry thinking is no longer a habit.

Remain vigilant of your thoughts! What do you think about in your free moments? If you find that you choose to think about stressful situations in far greater proportion than is needed to resolve the problem, you need to take some steps to re-train your mind before you are able to move forward with creating your vision. Remember, as within, so without. Keep in your mind peaceful, happy, positive and loving thoughts. Look forward with expectation to fulfilling your dreams!

 

 

 

 

 

The other day I found myself in a conversation with a lovely lady from a local coffee shop. I had gone in there to wait out some car repairs. She looked in awesome condition, physically. She was very muscular, and even exhibited vascularity, as if she were a bodybuilder. Few women, or even men, can reach physical condition like this, even when they work out regularly. As I had been a bodybuilder some years ago, I wondered what program she followed to get in such excellent condition. So I asked her.

She replied that she didn’t exercise at all. She mentioned she had been shoveling snow the day before, which was more exercise than she routinely gets.

When I marveled at her ability to stay fit without any effort, she replied that her sons were the same way, in that they had exuberant energy and were enrolled in many sports, as they had much to spare. She also said that when she gets ill, her skin breaks out, as if the disease is being pushed out from the inside, and then it just goes away. She does not have to deal with health issues.

I wondered at her ability to create such great health for herself. Clearly, she did not intend for physical challenges to be on her burden list for this lifetime! She apparently had a great many other issues, which she shared with me. I think few people would want her life, though many people would probably gladly exchange some of their fortune for her great health and physical strength. We often think that if only that issue were resolved, we could accomplish so much. We think that this one thing stands in our way, for example, health problems.

It doesn’t stand in our way at all. It is "the way" to where we are supposed to go, absolutely and without question. There is no other way we could have accomplished what we set out to do, or we would not have chosen it. While at the same time the body’s ails may represent karmic issues, it is processing through those issues that we will heal and become who were meant to be.

Our path is custom made for us. We choose our situation, our surroundings, our issues for a purpose only we can know. There are many and varied reasons for having a health problem. A simple explanation, as if things are ever simple, could mean that you are not meant to do something you would try to continue doing if you were healthy; for example, working hard or working for someone else. In that way you are being forced to find a path, or a job, or a means of making income, where you do not have to work in that fashion. You might have to work around a schedule, to give your body rest, or that works around your body’s rhythms. This is forcing you to carve out your own path. Would you have done it for any other reason? And while you are working to that point, I guarantee you will have to resolve the bucket of issues and misbelief systems you brought into this lifetime with you.

Sometimes we feel our path is difficult. Sometimes we might even feel that the obstacles are impossible. You should know that they are not. There is one guarantee you have in this life, and that is, you provided for yourself the ability to reach the goal you had intended yourself to reach. Know that. Often the biggest challenge is realizing what the goal looks like, or what our right and true path is. Once we have succeeded in doing that, we are well on our way to success.

One of the most challenging issues for many of us is finding our purpose. 

Unfortunately most of us we were raised on a cookie cutter recipe card, particularly the baby boomers and older. As time went on, I think greater individuality was permitted, if only for minimal issues, such as diaper training, or weaning off the breast or bottle. Aside from this, by a particular age, there are certain expectations for achievement. If you fall within a certain percentage points of the expected range, you move on, with regard to schooling. Few parents are able to work with their children on anything more than a minimal basis, unless there is an at-home parent, so it is up to the school to foster and nurture the creative spark. And they rarely do that, as that is not their purpose.

In any case, those in my reading audience would likely be from a time, like my own, when raising a child resembled something closer to cloning. We just weren’t encouraged to march to our own drummer back in those days. Maybe some were groomed for a career their parents picked out. Perhaps they weren’t groomed for anything at all, and wound up unprepared. Career may have been left to chance altogether.

Career, or our life’s work, should not be left to chance. Our purpose, or our dharma, is an integral part of our experience here. It is our contribution to society, our service to the greater whole, and at the same time, the activity we spend the greater portion of our lives performing. Who among us feels satisfied after a day of work? Precious few!

Lack of direction caused me quite a bit of anxiety for many, many years. Many times it felt that the easier thing had been to just go out to work and earn a paycheck. But, since I had successfully raised my daughter to seek her joy and follow it, I felt some re-parenting was needed, to find what I loved to do, and then to allow myself to do it.

When I began to contemplate what I wanted to do, aside from the many years of experience that I had, or the education I had paid for, I found that I was comparing myself to others who had picked a path, and succeeded. Obviously, I was comiing up short, as their path was not my own. It never helps to judge yourself in relation to others, especially in their area of specialty. There are always stories of people who experienced unexpected success doing some unusual or seemingly easy or fun thing. The general thought is "If they can do it, why not you?"

This is self-defeating. Their path is their own. Your path is uniquely yours. Together we all make up the puzzle of the whole, and each of us has a different gift and talent that we can utilize to contribute something very special, and very unique to the whole. If we don’t stop to figure out what that is, we will short-change ourselves of the experience and joy. We will also short-change others of this gift.

The problem with the cookie cutter society and our educational system is that we are accustomed to judging ourself in relation to others and in relation to a standard. Outside of schooling, we note that those who tend to stand out are those who have accomplished, or mastered their niche, or found their purpose. If you compared yourself to them, you would, almost universally, come up short. They found their niche and purpose, and you need to find yours.

There is something you are better at than anyone else in the world. You need to find this. When you find it, the work will be close to effortless. You may not recognize it as work, because you enjoy the activity. If you were raised with the idea that you had to work very hard, you might feel anxiety trying to pursue that path, unless you happen to also land into money at the same time. The anxiety will stem from those old programs within. You won’t feel that you can possibly be financially successful or even sustaining, as you were raised to feel that financial success and discomfort, or suffering, went hand-in-hand. If you find yourself doing something you love, unless you see the money come pouring in immediately, which is wholly unlikely, your mental programs will cause you a good deal of angst in response to this direction you’re taking. You may even find that well-meaning others try to steer you off this path as well, as they were raised the same way you were–believing that work should be suffering. After all, their parents did it!

Today, the conscious parent raises their children to develop their own creativity and skill. We want each individual to take the time to look within at what their passion is, and to expand their thinking beyond what is currently out in the world. Whether on the movie screen, the bestseller shelf at Barnes & Noble, the hit video on Youtube, or items or technology selling on the shelves, there could be a completely new idea, or a new product, or a new service that you have to offer. You need to look within for purpose, not without. When you’re looking at what is already out there, you could feel overwhelmed at the choices, and never stop to recognize your own unique offering. When you discover your talent, you may need to take the practical steps of marketing the skill, or re-shaping it, but the first step is not a logical one–it is an intuitive one.

Stop looking at others and their successes when seeking out your purpose. Begin to understand that you need to carve your own way, and you have your own path to follow. This concept should be of comfort to you, so do your best to see the negative voices and fear for what they are–old programming. Recognize that you are an important piece of the puzzle on this planet, and that your gifts are essential to others. Begin to listen to yourself, and your likes and dislikes, and try to get clear on where negative messages may be stemming from. As you develop your inner guidance, you will be able to discern the programs and negative thoughts from the instincts and messages that Self is sending you, and you will be well on your way to discovering your purpose.

All my experiences are created from my beliefs

Imagine that you had not been here lifetimes before. Imagine that you are starting off in this world anew. You can reject or accept experiences, at will. Which will you choose?

Unfortunately, that is not the case. If you are reading this article, you are an old soul, perhaps on the precipice of a beautiful new reality. You just seem to be stuck!

Because you have been here before, because you did not reject the negative experiences, and came to view them as "what is," or part of earthly reality, you have embedded those beliefs, lifetime after lifetime. You have a long-term investment at stake, and only you can remove it. They are NOT illusions. Remember, you are a powerful Creator! This world is NOT an illusion. You have made it what it is. For good, for bad!

During this lifetime, we are being forced into conditions which expose our belief systems, for us to release. This has been the case because we are ready to move on. It is like being put through the ringer, or the spin cycle. As we spin around, by laws of physics, all that is not part of our true nature is being shaken off and away. Unfortunately, it is not as easy as that–in this 3-dimensional reality, the set-up is experience to reveal them, acceptance to acknowledge them, and surrender and force of thought to shake them off.

In order to get a view of your belief systems, simply review the life you have chosen. While circumstances may have gotten better (or perhaps even worse), review the themes and patterns and what belief they inspire.

For example:

1. People are unsupportive and uncaring.

2. People are against me. They want to hurt me.

3. If I have money, people will try to take it away.

4. People don’t want me to be successful.

A review of history complete with victimization, abuse and persecution may reveal thoughts such as these. These are extreme, but your lifetime may well exemplify such thoughts as these, as mine did. The net result was that at best I could achieve some level of success, but felt I had to hide it, for fear that it would be taken away. Here’s a few more.

5. Work is hard. It compromises my health.

6. I can’t earn money doing what I love,

In spite of the fact that we recognize others make a living or better doing exactly what they love!

If we review some of the above thoughts in the context of our life experiences, we need to accept that it is a "belief system," and nothing more. Because you feel that it is reality, you will re-create it in some shape or form, over and over. You will not move too far from that reality, although you can certainly better your experience. Affirmations, positive thinking, and other superficial methods can help us to do that, but they don’t change the underlying belief, when it remains unconscious.

But, we are not here to better our experience. We are here to heal it altogether. Perhaps there is a completely new experience waiting for us, that we are completely unaccustomed to. Universal forces and energies are ripe for this NOW.

What you must do is accept it is only a belief in your Mind. Take a thought or belief system and treat it as you would another thought, or opinion, or perspective. Do not judge it’s importance or validity. Deny any conviction in these beliefs. Recognize they are not "what is." They are what you make them to be. It is therefore, not an unshakeable belief, but it becomes moveable. Move it out of your way!

For further example, let’s take some other beliefs regarding health:

7. I am unhealthy. I have always had physical problems.

8. I have a bad back.

9. Life is draining. I am tired all the time.

It doesn’t matter what primary experience caused this thinking to become pervasive. You had an experience of ill health, or pain, and believed in it as truth. It became daily thinking, although perhaps unconscious daily thinking. And now it is a daily reality. The power of your mind is incredible. It is capable of running all your programs, and thus creating a reality from them, all day long, day after day, without you being aware at all that you are creating. It is what you do most naturally, and unconsciously.

Now, to take energy away from the above statements, or your own, try prefacing the statement with a few words: "I think that I believe that …. "

For example:

"I think that I believe that work is hard."

"I think that I believe that life is difficult."

"I think that I believe I am unhealthy."

"I think that I believe that I lack opportunity."

Do you see how much power you removed from the above statements? You shift the energy from conviction  to acknowledging that you merely entertain a thought about a belief. You can then choose to not entertain that thought about such a belief! Be willing to add these words to your own statements. Whether or not right now you can believe that those thoughts can (or should) change, preface each one with "I think that I believe that … " 

So, today you must begin to pay attention to how often you affirm your programs and beliefs, and begin to change them with conscious effort. The Universe is always listening and responding, whether or not you realize what you are asking for!