If you invite a guest to dinner and it turns out to be an unpleasant experience for you, what do you do with them? Perhaps they are negative, draining or rude. You might allow them to remain at your table. Understandably, you might feel it rude or wrong to dismiss them. But, do you let them linger or stay long after dinner? If you are a good co-dependent, you might even feel sorry for them and invite them back, hoping that if they see that you are kind to them, they might transform into a better dinner guest, or maybe even a better person altogether. Does this sound like the way you behave with relationships in your life?

This little story is just an illustration of the way we all handle relationships, be it with family, co-workers, friends or intimate partners. Folks with excellent boundaries do not make time for those who are unpleasant to them. Folks with no boundaries allow people who are unpleasant to remain at their dinner table or in their life, and invite them back for more. Often they do it, feeling that they are helping that person in some way.

We invite  people, sensations, thoughts and experiences into our life every day. You need to consider that these are simply "samples." If you were standing at a buffet and you took a sample of all the offerings, would you feel obligated to eat a full portion of everything, including the things you didn’t like? Of course not. You don’t even need to finish the sample. The sample gives you the ability to try a portion without too much of an investment. If you don’t like it, you dismiss it and move onto something you like better. Samples are meant only to provide initial information that you need to make a decision whether to include something in your life, or not. If you continue to encourage all your samples to remain in your life, what you are saying to the Universe, regardless of your affirmations and goals to the contrary, is that you want more of those same types of people and experiences. And if you’re not happy with those samples, then you’re setting yourself up for a bunch of unhappy experiences! Do you have any long-term relationships in your life, where a casual meet or invitation that should have been dismissed, was not? I did!

I spent time with people who were rude, demeaning and critical. Unfortunately, this mostly occurred at family functions. I stopped doing so many years ago, as I began to treasure my time far too much. My self-respect had grown to a level where I could not tolerate their behavior. And, I really did not like being with people who were so negative, critical and mean-spirited. I gave myself the right to make a choice, even when it came to "family."

Popular thought today is that if you change what’s inside, people will change towards you. For various reasons, this may not be true. It could be that it is time for yout to separate from that individual, or from people like that, and that action, or separation, is the next important step in your progression. Often, the kindest and most empathetic people fall prey to the belief that they need to work on themselves in order to change the behavior of others.The "new age" concept of changing within is simply an extension of that. By the way, that is the hallmark of the abused victim, and abused women in particular–the belief that they need to change to effect change in another.

Even in more casual scenarios, you need to pick and choose with care. Do you go out on date, or with a group of friends, and find you don’t like the company, or the activity they have chosen, and yet you stay until everyone else goes home? If so, you are sacrificing your happiness and well-being for what you perceive is the comfort and satisfaction of others. How many people force themselves to finish a movie that they don’t even enjoy watching, whether in the company of others, or alone? I know a few!

Time is one of the most important gifts you have here. How you choose to spend your time speaks louder than the words you may utter in your affirmations, prayers or requests from the Universe. Spend it wisely!

You may feel that you need to continue on with the experiences, people, sensations, employment and other things that are currently in your life, or you  may feel that you need to complete an experience. If you are still clinging to the movies, or the dinner guests, or family or friends that you do not truly enjoy, then you need to understand that you are not affirming for a new reality. Actions do speak louder than words to the Universe! You need to begin to allow yourself the choice to break off from those experiences. You need to give yourself choice.

Decide what you want to include in your future, and assess what you are allowing to remain in your life right now. Do those things fit in with that future vision? You may have a job you are dissatisfied with and don’t see it in your goal vision, but it may need to remain until you have found another way to support yourself. However, most people keep negative forces in their life for no practical reason at all.

Right here and now, allow yourself the freedom to include what feels good in your life, and begin to exclude what does not feel good. Give yourself the the power of choice. You can begin shaping your future today!

The choices and actions that we make every day often contradict the intentions we hope to manifest. If you work with law of attraction, you’re probably accustomed to working with vizualization and affirmations. But you need to ensure that choices, behavior, and actions also support your intentions. If I participate in needless hostile or negative situations, I contradict my intentions for harmony, peace and freedom. By refusing to engage in situations where I might have experienced a reaction at one time, I support my affirmations through my choices and actions.

Let’s take a common example, and I’ll try to expand on it to show ways that we contradict our intentions. As you read, I hope you can relate other situations.

When you are in traffic, do you allow the car in front of you, containing some anonymous driver you will never see again, to come between you and your inner peace? Do you exert any thought or energy aimed toward their driving skills or about their lack of thoughtfulness, intelligence, or sanity?

When even minor irritating situations such as this arises, you may go into an instinctive and automatic emotional reaction. The more thought, attention and focus you put into it, the more energy you send senselessly in that direction. You place importance on what should be an insignificant incident by virtue of the amount of energy expended in thought and emotion. Either eliminate the underlying thought that caused your reaction, or simply remove the habit. Habit can be changed, and the thought can be eliminated. Then, events like this will cease to bother you.

The law of attraction states that it will bring to you objects or events upon which you focus. The more focus and energy you put into those thoughts, or intentions, the stronger the force. So, in this scenario, you would have sent a lot of energy into the Universe, requesting similar hostile situations to occur.

Here’s what you’re saying to the Creative Force in the previous example: "I like strife in my life. It is very important to me how people such as this think, behave, and drive. I focus on this, because it is important to me. I’ll think about it while it’s happening, and it’s so important, I’ll continue to think about it for a few more hours. I will talk to other people about it. I might even want to memorialize this event and put it in a journal! Give me more people like this to think about."

Is that where you want to place your focus? Free will exists in this great diversity on the planet, and there will always be inconsiderate drivers, and inconsiderate people in general. That driver has the right to act as they choose, and you can choose to what extent you include them in your life through your focus. Let them pass through for a few minutes, and then be gone. Do not give them power to disturb your inner peace or take any precious thought or energy.

When unimportant or undesirable people or situations appear in your life, you can simply choose to dismiss them. When you obsess, you have decided to include them as a significant part of your life. Simply observe and dismiss.

If you frequently react in such situations, you need to ask the following question: "Am I going to let you [whoever your block or irritant] come between me and my freedom, peace or growth?" In that moment, it should be clear that you have the ability to make a choice about what your reaction will be. You may find that making the choice to reject your reaction is difficult, but only because you have developed habit. Over time, this practice will give you control of your thoughts, emotional reactions, and even adverse physical reactions. The first step is recognition that you have choice. It may surprise you to know that these changes are not only possible, they are certain to happen if you stick with this work. And in the future, events such as this will not bother you. Make the choice, and own the choice. A cumulative effect occurs when you take control of your life events and choices. The more you exercise your strength and will, the greater control you will have over each event and reaction, every single time.

You may feel that you would not want a situation like this to disturb you if you had choice. But when it occurs, ask yourself this question: "Am I willing to let go of this reaction, right now? Can I allow this person to cut me off, beep at me, give me the finger, without a judgment on my part?"

You might just find that you feel justified in your reaction, and that you LIKE your reaction. You feel entitled to it. Perhaps you even feel they deserve it. People often make the mistake of engaging unnecessarily in hostile encounters, believing that they are defending their boundaries. These same people often fail to protect themselves when a situation truly calls for it.

If you follow the above process, and find that you feel justified or simply like your reaction, you have become aware that you are making a choice each and every single time you react.  Fear, anger, rage, rejection, hate, or any negative emotion you feel in response to an event or person can be turned off by your own request. Since you allow it, you can disallow it. Like knowledge of all choice, this is empowering!

At some point you learned that you needed to judge people who crossed your path. Rather than dismissing people or events that should be unimportant to you, you give them significance by your focus. When you judge people and focus on them, you include them more in your reality. "Give me more of these people. I like judgment, and I want people I can judge." So the Universe complies. It always does!

Once you’ve made the choice to dismiss or reject your emotional reactions and your judgments, inconsequential people and events will cease to be an issue for you. You will learn to focus only on circumstances and people that you desire to include in your reality. Then, the Universe will stop presenting these unwanted situations. The rare person who crosses your path will be observed, and dismissed.

Here’s the alternative. If you want to include them in your life, continue to judge their driving, their lifestyle, their relationships, the way they look, their religion, their hair color, and the food they eat. When you do that, you give them importance. If doing so enhances your life in any way, promotes your growth and intelligence, or brings love and prosperity, then it’s certainly worthwhile. Otherwise, notice that you would be contradicting any request or prayer you have made for more positive experiences.

And you should ask yourself why you continue to exert precious energy on these experiences. What do you get out of it? There has to be a payoff somewhere, or you would not do it. Does it provide justification that your belief systems are correct? If you find a persistent belief underlying your emotional reaction, you need to examine, and be willing to dismiss that thought, whether it pertains to bad drivers, ignorant women, callous men, inconsiderate bosses, or an uncaring government. And as much as you feel justified in that belief, you have to ask whether being right is more important than creating something different. Remember that the principles of law of attraction tell us that our thoughts will draw matching circumstances. So these underlying beliefs we hold onto will cause these very events, over and over, until we are willing to change, or let go of, these beliefs.

In some cases, people simply operate on autopilot. They feel their emotional reactions and judgments are normal and expected, and don’t question them. They may not like those encounters, but don’t know any other way of handling life situations, big or little.

Know that while your goals may be of a more positive, loving and peaceful nature, your own beliefs, actions and focus will continue to bring undesirable events to you, serving to oppose your positive intentions. Action conveys your serious intent to the Universe, not a few stated affirmations. So what are you really asking for? You may be keeping your desires from manifesting.

When you put energy and emotion into situations that you do not desire to include in your future vision, you also waste creative energy and power. As you put emotion behind the words and thoughts, you add power to them. Emotions take thought and roll it into force. Thought is a spark of electricity. Emotion behind it is a bolt of lightning. Use your power of emotion wisely. Put it where it matters. When you want to make clear intention to the universe, use thought, word and emotion to back it up. Learn to follow through with choice and action on each of your goals of intention.