If you invite a guest to dinner and it turns out to be an unpleasant experience for you, what do you do with them? Perhaps they are negative, draining or rude. You might allow them to remain at your table. Understandably, you might feel it rude or wrong to dismiss them. But, do you let them linger or stay long after dinner? If you are a good co-dependent, you might even feel sorry for them and invite them back, hoping that if they see that you are kind to them, they might transform into a better dinner guest, or maybe even a better person altogether. Does this sound like the way you behave with relationships in your life?

This little story is just an illustration of the way we all handle relationships, be it with family, co-workers, friends or intimate partners. Folks with excellent boundaries do not make time for those who are unpleasant to them. Folks with no boundaries allow people who are unpleasant to remain at their dinner table or in their life, and invite them back for more. Often they do it, feeling that they are helping that person in some way.

We invite  people, sensations, thoughts and experiences into our life every day. You need to consider that these are simply "samples." If you were standing at a buffet and you took a sample of all the offerings, would you feel obligated to eat a full portion of everything, including the things you didn’t like? Of course not. You don’t even need to finish the sample. The sample gives you the ability to try a portion without too much of an investment. If you don’t like it, you dismiss it and move onto something you like better. Samples are meant only to provide initial information that you need to make a decision whether to include something in your life, or not. If you continue to encourage all your samples to remain in your life, what you are saying to the Universe, regardless of your affirmations and goals to the contrary, is that you want more of those same types of people and experiences. And if you’re not happy with those samples, then you’re setting yourself up for a bunch of unhappy experiences! Do you have any long-term relationships in your life, where a casual meet or invitation that should have been dismissed, was not? I did!

I spent time with people who were rude, demeaning and critical. Unfortunately, this mostly occurred at family functions. I stopped doing so many years ago, as I began to treasure my time far too much. My self-respect had grown to a level where I could not tolerate their behavior. And, I really did not like being with people who were so negative, critical and mean-spirited. I gave myself the right to make a choice, even when it came to "family."

Popular thought today is that if you change what’s inside, people will change towards you. For various reasons, this may not be true. It could be that it is time for yout to separate from that individual, or from people like that, and that action, or separation, is the next important step in your progression. Often, the kindest and most empathetic people fall prey to the belief that they need to work on themselves in order to change the behavior of others.The "new age" concept of changing within is simply an extension of that. By the way, that is the hallmark of the abused victim, and abused women in particular–the belief that they need to change to effect change in another.

Even in more casual scenarios, you need to pick and choose with care. Do you go out on date, or with a group of friends, and find you don’t like the company, or the activity they have chosen, and yet you stay until everyone else goes home? If so, you are sacrificing your happiness and well-being for what you perceive is the comfort and satisfaction of others. How many people force themselves to finish a movie that they don’t even enjoy watching, whether in the company of others, or alone? I know a few!

Time is one of the most important gifts you have here. How you choose to spend your time speaks louder than the words you may utter in your affirmations, prayers or requests from the Universe. Spend it wisely!

You may feel that you need to continue on with the experiences, people, sensations, employment and other things that are currently in your life, or you  may feel that you need to complete an experience. If you are still clinging to the movies, or the dinner guests, or family or friends that you do not truly enjoy, then you need to understand that you are not affirming for a new reality. Actions do speak louder than words to the Universe! You need to begin to allow yourself the choice to break off from those experiences. You need to give yourself choice.

Decide what you want to include in your future, and assess what you are allowing to remain in your life right now. Do those things fit in with that future vision? You may have a job you are dissatisfied with and don’t see it in your goal vision, but it may need to remain until you have found another way to support yourself. However, most people keep negative forces in their life for no practical reason at all.

Right here and now, allow yourself the freedom to include what feels good in your life, and begin to exclude what does not feel good. Give yourself the the power of choice. You can begin shaping your future today!

Worry is a pervasive and and needless habit that many of us struggle with. It blocks us from staying positive and therefore keeping a pure vision of what we want. Worry and the accompanying emotion of fear it brings with it interrupts our dreams, keeping us focused on what we do not want, rather than what we do want. Holding onto fear and worry and thinking we can reach the finish line, or our goal vision, is self-defeating. It’s like running a race, and stopping every few feet, running backwards, spinning around, and at last moving forward a few feet again, only to do the same thing all over again. The finish line stays far out of reach. Fear keeps us stuck. What are we to do with it?

Like everything else in our lives, we must take responsibility for it. There was a time in my life when I realized, in reviewing my life, that I was addicted to worry, and I was addicted to problems. I handled them like a champ, but I always got more to deal with! At one time I thought it was a testament to my strength and I felt a certain pride that I had survived what I did, but I began to feel there really was nothing positive to be said for my strength in enduring this onslaught. As I was starting to envision a future that included peace, freedom and happiness, entertaining worrisome thoughts all the time seemed counterproductive. In truth, I had grown weary of the constant legal issues, life issues, and health issues. So, I finally realized I had to take responsibility for all of that, and in taking responsibility, not only did I realize I brought forth those issues, but that I was addicted to the feelings and thoughts that I entertained because of them.

Addicted sounds like a harsh word, but I think it is accurate. When some problem came up, it’s what I thought of nearly 24/7. If I had waking moments without other critical things to take my mind off it, I was mulling the issue over and over, anticipating different outcomes, pondering solutions, and analyzing every bit of it. I was getting quite good at anticipating possible outcomes, and as a result had handled legal situations quite well in the past. But when you are looking to change your reality into a positive and peaceful one, you don’t need detective or legal skills just to handle life!

At first, I continued to resist the idea that worry was really needless, and still tried to find a good rationale for it. I had spent a good deal of my life doing this. Since I had invested so much time in this activity, I suppose I wanted to believe it was a productive thing to do. So I thought about people I knew who didn’t seem to spend time worrying, curious how it impacted their lives. I realized that they seemed blessed with better fortune or experienced far less disruptions. Now, you might reason that is why they don’t worry, but of course, it’s the other way around!

As I was resistant, I didn’t want to not think about the problem–like any other addict, I wanted to continue with my habit! I thought I could continue to ponder whatever dilemma was going on at the time, and simply choose to not feel fear as a result of the thoughts, as I felt it was the fear that was destructive in creating my newly-formed goals. Then, I realized that thinking the problem situation over and over itself was the problem, as it kept me from being focused on positive things as well as my goal reality. I could try real hard not to feel fear when thinking about the circumstances, but that was challenging anyway. Imagine huge debt, loss of income, lengthy divorce proceedings regarding divorce and child custody, health crises, and bankruptcy court. I had all of these and more.

Few, if any, of us were raised in an environment where we were encouraged to spend time focusing on our goal visions and dreams, particularly in the midst of some crisis, so we can’t blame ourselves for doing absolutely what we were taught to do! Now, I am not suggesting you ignore problems that need to be dealt with, but you don’t need to obsess over them. You arrive at a solution and steps to reach the solution, and be done with it. You take one day at a time, stay positive, and keep your vision in mind!

Focusing on worry and present circumstances can also help to create another problem situation on its heels. I realized I had to be willing to let go of the analysis, the thinking, and the addiction to these problems. Although life had already turned around and many of the issues I mentioned above were in the past, suddenly new ones came up. It was then that I realized I was creating them over and over again. It was clear I was addicted to them. I was also addicted to thinking about them. This seemed to be one of the final pieces that I needed to lay in place to progress in my life.

The realization of all of this was a large part of the solution. Remember, awareness is the key to growth. When we see truth about ourselves, we accept it openly. We acknowledge, take responsibility, and then forgive ourselves for the past. And we release it. Just let it go. Choose to release worrisome thoughts, and choose to think about your positive vision. Just say no to negativity! Say no to fear and worry. When the thoughts come up, affirm the following to yourself: "I willingly release these worrisome thoughts. I do not need to think about this situation. I choose to think happy thoughts." A good deal of mental discipline and re-training will be necessary, as you have been accustomed to this obsessive thinking. It is just like the alcoholic reaching for the drink. In your mind, you need only reach for that thought that is hovering close by! Distracting the mind will help. If you can’t keep your mind busy on something else, try singing, or humming. Play Don’t Worry Be Happy, and sing along, or some other song that distracts your mind and keeps you positive. Remember Hakuna Matata from the Lion King? You can sign up for free to listen to these and other songs. This is an exercise in mental re-training, and it’s no small feat, but it can be done. After some time spent on this exercise, and you won’t have to work at it so hard. Do this until negative or worry thinking is no longer a habit.

Remain vigilant of your thoughts! What do you think about in your free moments? If you find that you choose to think about stressful situations in far greater proportion than is needed to resolve the problem, you need to take some steps to re-train your mind before you are able to move forward with creating your vision. Remember, as within, so without. Keep in your mind peaceful, happy, positive and loving thoughts. Look forward with expectation to fulfilling your dreams!

 

 

 

 

 

Law of attraction has great power in attracting that which we want, but unfortunately, it also draws conditions that we do not want. Our ability to create the life that we want hinges on the thoughts, beliefs, and programs we harbor, consciously or subconsciously. The deeper, subconscious thought patterns that are the product of our earliest learning tend to be the thoughts that most draw our life experiences to us. These programs present an obstruction to our goals. We can’t hope to use law of attraction in a productive and positive way with the same faulty thought systems. 

In much the same way that a computer program produces a predictable result when it runs, you will find that your subconscious programs do so as well. If you review your history, you might notice that themes, whether positive or negative, had a tendency to repeat. Although the circumstances changed over time, you had a sense of familiarity, or déjà vu, each time. These patterns may have revolved around health conditions or physical ailments, in career or work-related issues, in finances, or in relationships. You might see addictions repeat, although the substance, food, or type may change.

Have you chosen romantic partners that were similar to previous partners, even if they did not at first appear that way? If abuse, jealousy, lack of support, infidelity, emotional absence or other behaviors repeat, there is a pattern. If you find health issues throughout your life that produced a similar emotional or life difficulty, or re-occuring financial problems, that is a pattern. If feelings of depression, hopelessness, or anxiety re-occur, that is a pattern. A destructive belief system underlies each of these patterns, whether they are circumstances, people that you attract, or feelings.

Once you have pinpointed patterns, you can get a sense of  the programs that run your life. These thoughts fuel law of attraction to invite negative people and situations into your life, and they drive your conscious thinking patterns, causing you to make choices to include them. Healing will eliminate these belief systems, and then the conditions. 

Growth requires acute awareness of our intentions, motivations, and actions. To achieve success, you must look inside yourself with awareness and responsibility. When you face the inner demons, they become real. However, the problems they cause diminish, simply by acceptance and recognition. Since you created them, only you can let them go. As with so much of our lives, it comes down to choice.

Imagine the peace and serenity you will feel when you no longer hold onto anxieties and fears that block you in life. Know that the path to freedom and joy waits beyond each and every perceived roadblock.

Success comes to those willing to commit with unwavering persistence. Committing to change first requires an open and willing attitude. You’ll find yourself tested with challenges that require you to develop tremendous inner courage. Ultimately you hope to see outer success as a result of the inner work you have done, but it usually takes some time. This will require you to develop the patience of a champion.

Unfortunately, while people may decide they want change, they rarely want to do the work for the time required to see tangible results. Understandably, they often get impatient to see change on any level, whether in regard to physical healing, mental healing, or life healing. While it has taken an entire lifetime to create what we see in the form of our financial condition, relationships, health, and general happiness overall, we may irrationally want instantaneous results. We tend to lose focus and move onto something else that offers a quicker return. There really is no easier or quicker way than inner healing work. That is ultimately the only way.

If you are going through a divorce that is causing financial and emotional difficulties, you need to look at it from the perspective that a bad situation is moving out. It is a situation undergoing the process of change. You may have traded what appears like one bad situation for another, but in reality, you are working towards an improvement. You have to view any negative circumstances in that way, when you are actively working on improvement.

Many people often neglect to realistically assess their starting place when working towards goals of self-improvement. If you have heard about the "illusion" of time, forget it now. If you have heard that it only takes the universe "one second," forget that one, too. It’s a whole lot more fun to contemplate change when we think it might take a second, but it’s unrealistic, given our starting point, to transform negative conditions in a second, in a week, month, or possibly even a year or more! Understand the necessity of cultivating the art of patience.

Do not allow your current situation to weigh upon you. It will pass. You may look at this and say, "How can I feel positive with this going on around me?" or "How can I feel healthy when I am sick?" Optimism becomes part of the healing process. Not only must you believe that the situation will pass, you must believe that it will ultimately produce the best possible results. The current situation is a part of yesterday. At some point, it will merely be history. Then, you can forget it entirely. For today, plod through with courage, and do not focus on negativity, as bleak as circumstances may seem. Focusing on the negative will encourage negative conditions to remain. Use the momentum of change to swing to the positive as you focus on positive change at all times.

People seem more willing to put time and energy into areas that do not hold as great a promise to transform their lives. Perhaps the pain of looking within serves as the impetus for seeking outer distractions and material possessions. But at the end of the day, no amount of money or stuff can substitute for inner peace and happiness. While you may at times feel overwhelmed by the inner work required to change your thoughts or habits, know that the longer you put off the necessary inner work, the more ingrained and habitual the patterns become. The best you can hope to achieve, lacking real change, is tolerant complacency to your own dissatisfaction. Eventually you will find that change is an inside job.

You will not find any better system to change your life. There is nothing more worthwhile than committing to your own growth. You can effect powerful change in your life right now with your growing awareness. It’s reasonable to want change to motivate you to keep moving forward, and this will happen. With the internal changes, your perspective will change. You will change. And then life will transform.

The choices and actions that we make every day often contradict the intentions we hope to manifest. If you work with law of attraction, you’re probably accustomed to working with vizualization and affirmations. But you need to ensure that choices, behavior, and actions also support your intentions. If I participate in needless hostile or negative situations, I contradict my intentions for harmony, peace and freedom. By refusing to engage in situations where I might have experienced a reaction at one time, I support my affirmations through my choices and actions.

Let’s take a common example, and I’ll try to expand on it to show ways that we contradict our intentions. As you read, I hope you can relate other situations.

When you are in traffic, do you allow the car in front of you, containing some anonymous driver you will never see again, to come between you and your inner peace? Do you exert any thought or energy aimed toward their driving skills or about their lack of thoughtfulness, intelligence, or sanity?

When even minor irritating situations such as this arises, you may go into an instinctive and automatic emotional reaction. The more thought, attention and focus you put into it, the more energy you send senselessly in that direction. You place importance on what should be an insignificant incident by virtue of the amount of energy expended in thought and emotion. Either eliminate the underlying thought that caused your reaction, or simply remove the habit. Habit can be changed, and the thought can be eliminated. Then, events like this will cease to bother you.

The law of attraction states that it will bring to you objects or events upon which you focus. The more focus and energy you put into those thoughts, or intentions, the stronger the force. So, in this scenario, you would have sent a lot of energy into the Universe, requesting similar hostile situations to occur.

Here’s what you’re saying to the Creative Force in the previous example: "I like strife in my life. It is very important to me how people such as this think, behave, and drive. I focus on this, because it is important to me. I’ll think about it while it’s happening, and it’s so important, I’ll continue to think about it for a few more hours. I will talk to other people about it. I might even want to memorialize this event and put it in a journal! Give me more people like this to think about."

Is that where you want to place your focus? Free will exists in this great diversity on the planet, and there will always be inconsiderate drivers, and inconsiderate people in general. That driver has the right to act as they choose, and you can choose to what extent you include them in your life through your focus. Let them pass through for a few minutes, and then be gone. Do not give them power to disturb your inner peace or take any precious thought or energy.

When unimportant or undesirable people or situations appear in your life, you can simply choose to dismiss them. When you obsess, you have decided to include them as a significant part of your life. Simply observe and dismiss.

If you frequently react in such situations, you need to ask the following question: "Am I going to let you [whoever your block or irritant] come between me and my freedom, peace or growth?" In that moment, it should be clear that you have the ability to make a choice about what your reaction will be. You may find that making the choice to reject your reaction is difficult, but only because you have developed habit. Over time, this practice will give you control of your thoughts, emotional reactions, and even adverse physical reactions. The first step is recognition that you have choice. It may surprise you to know that these changes are not only possible, they are certain to happen if you stick with this work. And in the future, events such as this will not bother you. Make the choice, and own the choice. A cumulative effect occurs when you take control of your life events and choices. The more you exercise your strength and will, the greater control you will have over each event and reaction, every single time.

You may feel that you would not want a situation like this to disturb you if you had choice. But when it occurs, ask yourself this question: "Am I willing to let go of this reaction, right now? Can I allow this person to cut me off, beep at me, give me the finger, without a judgment on my part?"

You might just find that you feel justified in your reaction, and that you LIKE your reaction. You feel entitled to it. Perhaps you even feel they deserve it. People often make the mistake of engaging unnecessarily in hostile encounters, believing that they are defending their boundaries. These same people often fail to protect themselves when a situation truly calls for it.

If you follow the above process, and find that you feel justified or simply like your reaction, you have become aware that you are making a choice each and every single time you react.  Fear, anger, rage, rejection, hate, or any negative emotion you feel in response to an event or person can be turned off by your own request. Since you allow it, you can disallow it. Like knowledge of all choice, this is empowering!

At some point you learned that you needed to judge people who crossed your path. Rather than dismissing people or events that should be unimportant to you, you give them significance by your focus. When you judge people and focus on them, you include them more in your reality. "Give me more of these people. I like judgment, and I want people I can judge." So the Universe complies. It always does!

Once you’ve made the choice to dismiss or reject your emotional reactions and your judgments, inconsequential people and events will cease to be an issue for you. You will learn to focus only on circumstances and people that you desire to include in your reality. Then, the Universe will stop presenting these unwanted situations. The rare person who crosses your path will be observed, and dismissed.

Here’s the alternative. If you want to include them in your life, continue to judge their driving, their lifestyle, their relationships, the way they look, their religion, their hair color, and the food they eat. When you do that, you give them importance. If doing so enhances your life in any way, promotes your growth and intelligence, or brings love and prosperity, then it’s certainly worthwhile. Otherwise, notice that you would be contradicting any request or prayer you have made for more positive experiences.

And you should ask yourself why you continue to exert precious energy on these experiences. What do you get out of it? There has to be a payoff somewhere, or you would not do it. Does it provide justification that your belief systems are correct? If you find a persistent belief underlying your emotional reaction, you need to examine, and be willing to dismiss that thought, whether it pertains to bad drivers, ignorant women, callous men, inconsiderate bosses, or an uncaring government. And as much as you feel justified in that belief, you have to ask whether being right is more important than creating something different. Remember that the principles of law of attraction tell us that our thoughts will draw matching circumstances. So these underlying beliefs we hold onto will cause these very events, over and over, until we are willing to change, or let go of, these beliefs.

In some cases, people simply operate on autopilot. They feel their emotional reactions and judgments are normal and expected, and don’t question them. They may not like those encounters, but don’t know any other way of handling life situations, big or little.

Know that while your goals may be of a more positive, loving and peaceful nature, your own beliefs, actions and focus will continue to bring undesirable events to you, serving to oppose your positive intentions. Action conveys your serious intent to the Universe, not a few stated affirmations. So what are you really asking for? You may be keeping your desires from manifesting.

When you put energy and emotion into situations that you do not desire to include in your future vision, you also waste creative energy and power. As you put emotion behind the words and thoughts, you add power to them. Emotions take thought and roll it into force. Thought is a spark of electricity. Emotion behind it is a bolt of lightning. Use your power of emotion wisely. Put it where it matters. When you want to make clear intention to the universe, use thought, word and emotion to back it up. Learn to follow through with choice and action on each of your goals of intention.