If you invite a guest to dinner and it turns out to be an unpleasant experience for you, what do you do with them? Perhaps they are negative, draining or rude. You might allow them to remain at your table. Understandably, you might feel it rude or wrong to dismiss them. But, do you let them linger or stay long after dinner? If you are a good co-dependent, you might even feel sorry for them and invite them back, hoping that if they see that you are kind to them, they might transform into a better dinner guest, or maybe even a better person altogether. Does this sound like the way you behave with relationships in your life?

This little story is just an illustration of the way we all handle relationships, be it with family, co-workers, friends or intimate partners. Folks with excellent boundaries do not make time for those who are unpleasant to them. Folks with no boundaries allow people who are unpleasant to remain at their dinner table or in their life, and invite them back for more. Often they do it, feeling that they are helping that person in some way.

We invite  people, sensations, thoughts and experiences into our life every day. You need to consider that these are simply "samples." If you were standing at a buffet and you took a sample of all the offerings, would you feel obligated to eat a full portion of everything, including the things you didn’t like? Of course not. You don’t even need to finish the sample. The sample gives you the ability to try a portion without too much of an investment. If you don’t like it, you dismiss it and move onto something you like better. Samples are meant only to provide initial information that you need to make a decision whether to include something in your life, or not. If you continue to encourage all your samples to remain in your life, what you are saying to the Universe, regardless of your affirmations and goals to the contrary, is that you want more of those same types of people and experiences. And if you’re not happy with those samples, then you’re setting yourself up for a bunch of unhappy experiences! Do you have any long-term relationships in your life, where a casual meet or invitation that should have been dismissed, was not? I did!

I spent time with people who were rude, demeaning and critical. Unfortunately, this mostly occurred at family functions. I stopped doing so many years ago, as I began to treasure my time far too much. My self-respect had grown to a level where I could not tolerate their behavior. And, I really did not like being with people who were so negative, critical and mean-spirited. I gave myself the right to make a choice, even when it came to "family."

Popular thought today is that if you change what’s inside, people will change towards you. For various reasons, this may not be true. It could be that it is time for yout to separate from that individual, or from people like that, and that action, or separation, is the next important step in your progression. Often, the kindest and most empathetic people fall prey to the belief that they need to work on themselves in order to change the behavior of others.The "new age" concept of changing within is simply an extension of that. By the way, that is the hallmark of the abused victim, and abused women in particular–the belief that they need to change to effect change in another.

Even in more casual scenarios, you need to pick and choose with care. Do you go out on date, or with a group of friends, and find you don’t like the company, or the activity they have chosen, and yet you stay until everyone else goes home? If so, you are sacrificing your happiness and well-being for what you perceive is the comfort and satisfaction of others. How many people force themselves to finish a movie that they don’t even enjoy watching, whether in the company of others, or alone? I know a few!

Time is one of the most important gifts you have here. How you choose to spend your time speaks louder than the words you may utter in your affirmations, prayers or requests from the Universe. Spend it wisely!

You may feel that you need to continue on with the experiences, people, sensations, employment and other things that are currently in your life, or you  may feel that you need to complete an experience. If you are still clinging to the movies, or the dinner guests, or family or friends that you do not truly enjoy, then you need to understand that you are not affirming for a new reality. Actions do speak louder than words to the Universe! You need to begin to allow yourself the choice to break off from those experiences. You need to give yourself choice.

Decide what you want to include in your future, and assess what you are allowing to remain in your life right now. Do those things fit in with that future vision? You may have a job you are dissatisfied with and don’t see it in your goal vision, but it may need to remain until you have found another way to support yourself. However, most people keep negative forces in their life for no practical reason at all.

Right here and now, allow yourself the freedom to include what feels good in your life, and begin to exclude what does not feel good. Give yourself the the power of choice. You can begin shaping your future today!

The principles of success require that we maintain an optimistic mindset. Negative life experiences take their toll, leaving us more conservative, fearful,  and less trusting as time passes. This trend seems to worsen with age, causing many to lose the fresh and optimistic expectations that come more naturally to the young. As we grow older, more than ever, we will need to push ourselves to overcome negative thinking.

This conservative and more fearful approach results in a need for predictability and habit. We see people choose the comfortable and known path, rather than venture out or attempt change, even when it is far less than they want. We see many elect to stay in safe though undesirable conditions, such as what hapens in many marriages, until that safe known becomes so painful that it is unbearable. Rather than actively creating desirable circumstances either by leaving or attempting to change the circumstances, they keep the status quo. Rather than giving them the measure of control they may feel they have, it represents more of a managed failure.

Managed failures exist in relationships, in career, and in health matters. Fear of attempting something different, or even believing they can have something different based on past experience, causes people to hang onto undesirable circumstances. The conditions afford safety, if nothing else. And predictability and safety seems to become more of a priority as we age.

An area where many exhibit untrue belief systems is in relationships. More people than ever resist commitment, and fewer people re-marry following divorce. Fear of hurt and rejection is one of the most profound fears humans experience, because of early loving, or unloving, experiences with parents, siblings, and others. So, as men and women collect negative experiences, they reinforce the programs that keep them from opening their heart in a loving and innocent way. They learn to protect themselves from the pain of failure and rejection by acting in a manner that seems clear would sabotage any chance for a fulfilling intimate relationship. Destructive behaviors might be unconscious, but just as often, the individuals are completely aware of their actions. Rather than modifying their behavior in the hopes of producing success, they continue to follow the same patterns. If not unconscious, we can only say it is deliberate.

When, with awareness, we continue to sabotage our health by following a particular path, how can we explain it? If we have gotten bad results in the past from following a physician’s advice, treatment path, or taking a prescription medication which only exacerbated a condition, why would we continue to do it?

We should gain knowledge from experience rather than fear. Do we learn from those experiences to go on and produce better outcomes with some necessary modification of our own behavior, or do we simply repeat the process over and over, to get the same results each time? While we become fearful and less trusting about what awaits us, it is our own repetitious thinking, behavior, and choices that bring about the same negative results.

Choose to learn from experience. With wisdom, alter self-sabotaging choices and behaviors that bring about failure. Then, armed with awareness and change, develop positive expectations for success. Expect the best outcome, and believe in miracles and luck with every risk and choice. No matter what has passed before, always expect miraculous change in your life. Risk success!

If you feel you have waited too long to create effective and satisfactory change in your life in a particular area, you should belive that it is never too late to alter that trend. The only reason it may appear to be more daunting is because your patterns, most notably your thinking patterns, are more habituated. There is nothing more worthwhile than love, happiness and success, at any stage in life.